This week it’s we’ve got a whore. Zahia Dehar, to be exact. I’m not trying to insult her either, she literally takes dick to the face for Euros, or whatever the fuck kind of money they use in France. I don’t know what she charges, but I’m 99% sure I can’t afford it.
Walt
Have you ever been to any part of New England? Well if you have, you would 100% know that any exit off god damn I-95, the towns are littered with Dunkin’ Donuts. They weren’t fucking lying, I’ll tell you that much. At least this section of America does in fact run on Dunkin’. You’d think like they altered the way cars run up here. If you just put donuts, coffee, 3 creamers, 15 sugars, and a box of munchkins in your gas tank, your car will run just fine. Just mash it all in there. Holy shit. Instead of gas stations everywhere, there is Dunkin’ Donuts. And the worst part about it is the chicks are blazing hot in New England and I rarely see overly fat people like I see down South. I just don’t get it? What the hell is happening up here. Am i missing something? Did I not get the memo?
Yes, I am aware this video is making its rounds. But, at under 10,000 views I’d still say it has NOT gone viral yet…but just wait. This coon-ass ( not racist, means redneck in N’Awlins) LSU fan has got the fucking MOVES! Dude knows how to dance, and obviously knows how to pick his women. He likes them Hot, blonde, and 35 years younger. Just look at this dude! Nothing can stop him. I am 100% going to be doing this dance at bars when I am hammed, now. All it is, is a double twist whip motion with the hand while two stepping with my feet. Got it. Perfect white person dance. While everyone else is soldier boying and dougying , I’ll be doing the LSU Tiger Old Man Dance! I just need a hot chick to bounce around all drunk and slutty next to me…Any takers?
Halloween is right the fuck around the corner, and if there is one thing I love, it’s a bunch of drunk whores dressed outrageously filthy. Everybody knows the classic sexy cop or nurse, I’ve been trying to find some more creative costumes. I stumbled upon this one: Sexy Oompa Loompa. I’ve never seen this before, so I’m giving it an A in the creativity department. Fetish department also gets an A. This costume touches on some under represented fetishes: food and midgit. Sexiness gets a C, due to the fact that oompa loompas are fucking creepy, and kind of remind me of overweight Mexican janitors. Overall, I’ll give this one a B-.
Walt
What a Douche! This is Canadian football, the lamest form of football. For those of you who are unaware of the Canadian Football League, the CFL has a fanbase of about three families in Saskatchewan. Players who were mediocre at Division II college ball can go up to Canada and make a few hundred bucks a season dazzling a bunch of half-retarded Canucks who are absolutely blitzed off Labatts. The shittiest thing about playing in the CFL is the fact that you have to live in Canada. I’d rather be a janitor at a Hoboken titty bar than play in the CFL.
Walt
I am going to be totally honest, I still think men’s volleyball is a complete fucking joke, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the quintessential volleyball to the face every so often. He gets absolutely obliterated. This guy who delivered the spike could probably be decent at a man sport if he tried. If you put him on the mound, I bet he could hit the low 90’s with his fastball. Then on, if he could play a respectable sport, he would definitely be playing that over fucking men’s volleyball. I bet this dude’s dad is so bummed. The neighbor kids would probably throw around a baseball or football, while this guy’s kid would put on his knee pads and practice his sets. You poor bastards, I feel genuinely sorry for any father whose son is a collegiate volleyball player.
Walt
Maybe this will be a cool segment. ‘People we miss in history.’ How fucking awesome were the Blues Brothers? Way way awesome. So much groove, rhythm and class. How come entertainers can’t do this nowadays? The Blues Brothers didn’t care about money…they cared about getting shit hammered on stage and just blues’ing their little souls out. My kind of party. They didn’t do drugs or steroids…if you want big trap muscles just pick up a guitar and shrug your shoulders up and down with the chords like the black dude does in this video. Mega swag. I love this song. Shit has Song of the Week written all over it. This is the kind of shit I listen to when replacement refs blow the fucking game and all I can think about is lets just get high and leave this earth. Speaking of the black guitar player…tell me he isn’t the black dude from Dazed and Confused…
The dude rocked a paddle titled: “Soul Pole” – classic.
As many of you may have heard, Johnny Lewis, the actor who played Half Sack on the greatest show ever made, Sons of Anarchy, died Thursday after brutally murdering his 81-year-old former landlord and leaping to his death. Apparently he was high as shit on a new drug called “Smiles.”
Spice is out everybody, that shit is like the Zima of the drug world now. Spice is Lindsey Lohan, past it’s prime, still crazy, but old news. Smiles is Amanda Bynes. New, wild, always making you wonder what the fuck it’s going to do next. This stuff will make you do some fucked up shit. Every dumb motherfucker out there is going to be smiling there fucking balls off. This shit will be all the rage this Fall, keep your eyes open for people beating old ladies and trying to fly.
Walt
As many of you know, Jimmy Hoffa remains one of the most notable unsolved disappearances in the United States history to date. The former leader of the Teamsters and Union Boss from Northern New Jersey has been baffling the FBI and police since 1975. He disappeared on July 30, 1975 and hasn’t been found since. Many theories have been published including how he was buried in the end zone at Giants stadium, or how he was ground up and dumped in a Florida swamp, or how he was buried in the deep Pine Barrens of New Jersey. Wherever he is, he’s up there with Ann Frank for Hide N’ Seek World Champion. Both very solid competitors. Anyways, recently a 72 year old man says he saw a body being buried outside of Detroit, under a driveway in 1975 that he believes was Jimmy Hoffa. Police have started drilling this site to see if human decomposition is present there. Results will be in next week. Anyways….I know exactly where Jimmy Hoffa is….He’s is fucking dead as hell sitting in a mucky bog in the Pine Barrens of NJ. No one will ever find him there either. Ya wanna know why? Because nobody ever says ” Hey lets go play in that fucking bog over there, won’t that be just a blast.?” Fuck no it won’t. No one hangs out in the woods in New Jersey because its fucking haunted that’s why. The Jersey Devil is there terrorizing your every decision to go in the woods at night. Like for me to go in the woods at 2:00 a.m. there better be a fucking 10 dime piece of a chick with an absolute guaranteed blowjob, or absolutely no fucking deal at all, whatsoever.
Totally deader than a damn doorknob in one of these bogs.
We all know the world is going to end this year on December 21st. So with knowing that , I assume Christmas and the holidays will be celebrated earlier than the usual this year because most of us will be dead by then, either by zombies or a massive explosion. However, in the unlikely event some of you survive, you’re going to want to be very well prepared. Also since the end is near tell your parents to go cash out their 401k’s, and buy the Z.E.R.O. kit which can be yours for just $23,999! (http://www.opticsplanet.com) It includes everything you will ever need to survive an apocalypse. Think about it! Your cruising down the road in a newly acquired vehicle in the post apocalyptic world…you see some hot ass chick looking for a weapon to defend herself against some mongaloid mutant zombie fucking creature and you swoop in and rescue her because you have a kit with a shit ton amount of weapons and gear made for these instances. BOOM…post apocalyptic pussy , panties droppin’ at your feet. I just don’t see how this could go wrong.
thekampaign 